Fear

Sorry it's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I have been so busy lately with Christmas approaching. Cody and I took a winter vacation to Park City, Utah approximately 2 weeks ago and we had a blast. Of course coming back and getting my house back in order, shopping for Christmas gifts, and baking like a crazy woman have taken up my time. Doing this in addition to having a 10 month old little girl at your side 24/7...well, it keeps me on my toes.

I received some wonderful feedback about my testimony from some of you who have read this blog. Thank you for the encouragement. Time does heal the wound, but it's funny how I will still tear up unexpectedly when I talk about Brooke.

I try to get into God's Word as much as I can. I, like a lot of people, get distracted very easily and always feel "busy." Some days it really takes a lot for me to just set it all aside, ask God to guard my heart from distractions, and really take a look at His word. I personally really enjoy the book of Psalms and most of Pauls's letters in the New Testament when I am looking for encouragement. Job is the book I go to in times of suffering. Proverbs when I'm searching for wisdom. I love the first 4 books of the gospel because as nerdy as this sounds, I love the words written in red. I know all scripture is God breathed, but I love hearing the exact words of Christ.

However, being a history buff, I love to go through the Old Testament. The history of the Jewish people is so amazing. To read about the patriarchs is pretty cool. I must be honest and admit I could skip a few of the books that focus completely on the Law. Seriously, I am so thankful for Christ's redeeming blood after reading the Law. There is NO WAY I could have kept up with that, plus having to kill all those animals for sacrifices...I know I couldn't have done that.

I am currently in 1 Kings. I'm past Saul, David (my favorite) and Solomon, and I'm now reading about some of the lesser known kings. I have read the Bible in chronological order, so none of this is completely new to me, but it truly amazes me how God's word can be so new everytime I read it.

Anyways, I was reading about Rehoboam (Solomon's son) and Jeroboam, the man who God told he would give Israel to (except for one tribe to honor David) because Solomon didn't follow the Lord with all his heart like his father David had done. To make a long story short, the tribes of Israel anoint Jeroboam their king and break away from the kingdom of Rehoboam, in accordance with what God told Jeroboam would happen. This is what God said to Jeroboam:

"However, as for you, I will take you, and you will rule over all that your heart desires; you will be king over Israel. IF YOU DO WHATEVER I COMMAND YOU AND WALK IN MY WAYS AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT IN MY EYES BY KEEPING MY STATUTES AND COMMANDS...I WILL BE WITH YOU. I WILL BUILD YOU A DYNASTY AS ENDURING AS THE ONE I BUILT FOR DAVID..." (1 KINGS 11:37-38).

Now, that sounds like a pretty good promise to me. If I heard God say that, I would hope that I would be very careful to follow his ways. But look at what Jeroboam does in the following chapter:

1 Kings 12:26-28 says: "Jeroboam thought to himself, 'The kingdom will now likely revert to house of David. If these people go up to offer sacrifices at the temple of the Lord in Jerusalem, they will again give their allegiance to their lord, Rehoboam king of Judah. They will kill me and return to King Rehoboam.' After seeking advice, the king made two golden calves."

Ok, so if you're like me, you are reading this and thinking, what a dummy! Did he not hear God promise Him that he would have an enduring dynasty? How can he be so dumb. Poor Jeroboam. He should have read the whole Old Testament.

So what's the point? What did I get from my reading that day? I can say that I can identify with Jeroboam. And I think if anyone is honest with himself, I think we all do. I can truly say I have heard God speak to me. It doesn't happen all the time, and it's not on my timing. But I do hear that still small voice. It takes over my mind so that I can not hear anything but that Voice. I have seen God answer my prayers. And yet, I, like Jeroboam, doubt his promises in the face of fear.

If you read that passage about Jeroboam's thought to himself, you can clearly see his motivation was fear. Fear allowed him to completely disregard the promise God gave him and turn to his own remedy. Cody was watching Star Wars today and Yoda made a comment about how fear leads to the dark side. That couldn't be a more accurate statement.

We live in a scary world. If I didn't have Christ, I don't know if I would ever leave the house, seriously, life can scare me that much. Reading that passage the other day was a reminder to me that I need to continue to have faith in God's plan for my life and how important it is for me to continute to find that quiet time to read His word because I never know when he's going to remind me of something so vital to my spiritual health. I can rest in His peace, His strength, in His comforting arms.

I haven't read the entire book for my life, but I know the Author. I know that He doesn't have an ounce of evil in his being. That He is Holy and always wants what's best for me. I must continue to have faith in Him, even when I am scared of my unknown future.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what is not seen." Hebrews 11:1

And a reminder of the character of the one who instills that ugly fear:

"He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar, the father of all lies." John 8:44

By the way, that last verse was written in red. :)

I really felt renewed after that day. It helped me make some personal decisions I've been thinking about, some dealing with the present and some for the future. I'm not perfect, but I'm so thankful that God continues to encourage me.

Sorry this was so long. I may not write often, but when I do write, I sure do have a lot to say. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!